Too many people suffer from the same problems in relationships because they allow certain issues to slide. Check out these relationship red flags that should have you reconsidering your union with your partner.
Cheating
Cheating happens a lot, and a oftentimes, it’s not because you don’t love or respect your partner. But if it’s happened more than once, it’s especially not okay. Having affairs is the absolute lowest form of cheating. If you’re in a serious relationship, it’s sacred and should be respected with monogamy. If you learn that partner has cheated or is cheating on you, its probably time to move on. Maybe you can work things out in a few months or years, but you shouldn’t let something like this slide so easily because chances are, it’ll happen again.
Looking Through Your Personal Media
If your partner is looking through your phone or Facebook behind your back, you may have a serious problem. If your partner really trusted you, he or she wouldn’t feel the need to look through your private messages. This is a sign that there is a deficit of trust in the relationship, and a relationship without trust isn’t so healthy. Either explain that this is a breach of your privacy or run in the other direction as fast as you can.
Being Disrespectful
This can mean anything from telling you to shut up during an argument, to hanging up the phone on you, to just being rude and angry for no reason. Your partner should treat you supremely well and disrespect should not be tolerable. Extenuating circumstances, like bad day at work or fight with parents, can sometimes excuse slip ups, but if it’s a constant problem, it’s time to move forward.
Being Shady With Messaging
If your partner disappears for hours on end, with no explanation regarding his or her whereabouts, you need to be concerned. If your partner constantly takes hours to respond to a single text, be on alert. Don’t expect a reply every two minutes, but do you know people who don’t check their phones for hours on end?
Being Shady on Social Media
You don’t have to be “Facebook Official,” but if your partner completely ignores you on social media, uploads absolutely no photos and doesn’t write on your wall, he or she could be hiding something. In the beginning stages of a relationship, this is acceptable, but if you’re a few months in as a committed couple, your partner should be proud to showcase you to his or her social networks.
Handling Situations Poorly
Does he treat the waiter like dirt? Does she expect to be treated like a princess at your expense? Among his friends, is he regarded as a responsible, mature type? Is she trusted and respected among her friends? These are all important signs regarding a person’s character. Work to understand early in the relationship who the person you’re dating really is at his or her core.
Jealousy
Does your partner get jealous when you choose to spend time with your friends? If someone approaches you in a club, does your boyfriend turn into a macho douchebag and punch him in the face? Does your girlfriend forbid you from seeing one of your girl friends for no reason? A bit of jealousy can be cute, but when it starts to cause fights, it can quickly become destructive.
A “Debbie-Downer”
Your relationship should have relaxing times and fun times. If your partner constantly wants to stay in, do the same things over and over and is not actively trying to change up the routine, you may have a problem. Oftentimes, especially after couples have been together for a long time, relationships tend to slip into routine. Don’t be a victim of this.
If you’re constantly trying to spice things up and your partner isn’t down for it, maybe you should reevaluate your relationship. It can affect your social life because when you see your friends less often, you’re not the same. Monotony can also affect your sex life, because the same methods will eventually grow to be, you guessed it, routine.
Overly Argumentative
Cockiness is a huge turnoff, especially when your partner is always trying to be right. If your partner likes to argue for the sake of arguing or to prove an arbitrary point and can never admit to being wrong, you’re in for a life of misery. Let’s face it, people who can’t admit when they’re wrong tend to be childish.
If you’re in a relationship that has some of these red flags, reflect on your situation. If it’s worth it, work for it — talk to your partner about it and see if you can come to some conclusion. If you can’t, move on; you should be with someone who adds quality to your life.
I stumbled across a “Teen Mom 2″ episode last night and found myself with a terrible taste in my mouth and a writhing pain in my stomach after about three minutes. I had to turn it off after watching Janelle complain to her mom about having to take another abortion pill, as her 3-year-old son sat on the floor screaming, “F*ck.” To say it was hard to watch is an understatement.
I went to bed dissatisfied and forced to think about the idea of what it means to become a parent. Maybe it’s because I’m selfish or immature, but I really think that having kids is something I’m not even remotely ready for, or ever will be. The whole idea of having children gives me an uneasy feeling and a pain in the pit of my stomach that I just can’t shake.
Maybe it’s because a sad mother once told me, “You’re only as happy as your unhappiest child” that I realized how dangerous and risky it is to have children. There is so much that can go wrong and so much out of your control as you let part of you out into the cold, scary world. As I spend my twenties wrapped up in my career, friends and nights out, I find myself dizzy over the thought of finding room in my life for someone else.
Having kids is far more intense than having a relationship or getting married, because you are not responsible for that other person. You can have your own life while sharing it with your significant other. Having kids, on the other hand, means giving up your selfish ways of living and devoting all your time and energy to them.
So, as I watch countless friends and acquaintances around me entertain the idea of becoming a parent, I can’t help but point out all the reasons you really shouldn’t even think about having kids… at least for a long time.
You’ll Most Likely Screw Them Up
Who doesn’t blame their parents for their problems? I can’t think of one person or psychologist who doesn’t automatically turn to childhood to pinpoint adult ineptitude. You’re a cold, mean person? Well, it’s because your parents didn’t love you enough. You’re too shy to function? Well, it’s because your parents didn’t make you do team sports in high school. It’s endless.
You Will Go Broke
A study came out reporting that without sending your kid to college, the cost of raising a child is $250,000. That’s just one child’s life you’re paying for; it’s not the cost of raising multiple children, nor does it include spendings on yourself. It doesn’t include the house you need, the food you’re cooking for yourself, or the shopping you do to update your wardrobe.
Your Life Will Never Be Yours Again
The moment you have kids, your life becomes theirs. Everything you do will revolve around them and their needs. Your relationships, your looks and your drive will all become a distant piece of who you once were.
They Will Resent You
After everything you did for them, everything you sacrificed, your kids will just end up hating you in the same way you resented your parents. Hopefully, someday, they will grow up and learn to appreciate you, but until then, it’s just a miserable ride of misguided hatred and scorn from the people you brought into this world.
Your Relationships Will Deteriorate
Who has sex anymore once they have kids? Besides the Romneys (Mormons know how to get it on), I can’t think of anyone. Your life and your partner’s life will revolve entirely around the selfish creatures who won’t leave your bed for six years.
You Can’t Be Spontaneous
You can’t just pick up and move to France because you have an urge to eat macarons and read at a cafe. You can’t just take a three-month vacation to “get away from it all” because your kids have school to attend. Your life will become revolved around schedules and commitments that aren’t even yours.
You Have To Love Them Even When They’re Assh*les
Remember how you were to your parents? Well, your kids are going to treat you the same way. They’ll be huge, f*cking assh*les and there is nothing you can do but keep living with them and try not to completely give up amidst feelings of defeat. They will be mean, evil, conniving, selfish little sh*ts who won’t give a crap about you or your life.
You’ll Still Be Paying Your Student Loans When You Have To Start Paying For Theirs
You know how you’re going to be paying for loans until you’re about 60? Well, kids just add another 60 years of debt.
They Could Disappoint You In Big Ways
Even if you follow all the books, take all the advice and do everything for them, there’s no telling how your kids are going to turn out. They are their own persons, with their own flaws and desires. Just because you made them go to church every Sunday doesn’t mean they won’t commit petty theft or end up in jail. It’s all a gamble.
You Have To Relive High School
Remember all the reasons you couldn’t wait to leave high school? The drama, the awkward adolescence, the mean kids? Get ready to go back to all that when your kid comes home crying because no one asked her to junior prom.
They Ruin Your Body
Women, no matter what they say, your vagina will never be the same. The common analogy used to explain the process of giving birth as fitting a lemon through a nostril. Think about it.
You Have No More Free Time
Any spare time you have will be devoted to making dinner or heading to parent-teacher conferences. If you’re lucky enough not to have to work, you’ll still be spending your days running errands and cleaning for everyone but yourself.
You Will Always Be Financially Responsible
Are you still paying for your cell phone? What about health insurance? You’re an adult, yet your parents still pay for all those financial necessities that add up to one giant payroll. So don’t just think that when they’re 18 you’ll be done because you will most likely be paying for them until they’re 26… if you’re lucky.
None Of Your Friends Without Kids Will Ever Want To Hang Out With You
Say goodbye to all your friends, especially all the ones who chose the smart path and didn’t indulge in giving birth. Would you want to hang out with anyone who had kids? No way. They’re not the friends you used to know; they’re different people. They’re parents now, and you suddenly have nothing in common.
You Can’t Smoke Weed Or Get Drunk
Unless you want to be those parents only seen in Lifetime dramas and MTV reality shows, you can’t get blacked out around your kids. You can’t smoke, drink, get high, pop pills… nothing. You must set a good example and that means never indulging in anything your younger, wilder self used to love.
You’re Gonna Be That Person In The Minivan
Get ready to trade in that sports car you worked so hard to earn for the uncoolest car in America. Even if you say you won’t, you most definitely will. None of our parents ever spent their twenties dreaming of owning a minivan, but it happened to them, and it will happen to you.
Personal Space Doesn’t Exist
You won’t even be able to take a sh*t alone once you have kids. Your bedroom isn’t yours, the TV room is most definitely theirs, and the kitchen will always be an empty mess. Vacations will be marked by rooms filled with crying babies and “romantic nights” will most likely be crashed by your kids crawling in.
Imagine a life in which you can live on your own terms, have the freedom to choose how you spend your time and the projects on which you work. With enough planning, patience and determination, this situation can be yours.
Let’s face it — we’ve all had a job that sucked the life out of us. The daily grind of working for a company that you don’t really care about is draining.
While self-employment can be a tough gig, as it comes with its own problems, stressors and setbacks, the sense of accomplishment and pride you’ll derive from it is worth the investment. Check out these 10 reasons you should get started today:
1. The flexibility to work anywhere
You can choose your location for working; one week you may be sitting on the beach in Greece with your laptop, while the next week may have you sailing the seas of Mexico. With today’s technological advancements, it’s possible to work from nearly anywhere.
2. Do work that you enjoy
Richard Branson reminds us that “some 80% of your life is spent working. You want to have fun at home; why shouldn’t you have fun at work?” If you hate your job, your negativity will spill into your personal life, making you feel tired and unmotivated. Life is way too short to waste time doing things you hate. Be an entrepreneur and get paid to do something that you actually enjoy.
3. You have the opportunity to create jobs
There is no greater accomplishment than being able to support others. If you create a small business, at some point, you’ll likely need to hire people to do jobs that you no longer have time to do yourself. As a result, you’ll help others pay their bills, feed their families and make a decent living.
4. Choose how much money you earn
Working for someone else really limits your earning capacity, and sadly, most companies expect you to work harder than ever with no extra incentive. Why put up with this when you can work equally hard but reap financial rewards for your efforts? Your earning capacity is limitless when you work for yourself.
5. You don’t have to answer to anyone
Chances are, at some point in your professional life, you had a boss who undermined your every decision. This situation is toxic and usually results in you losing self-confidence, self-respect and, most importantly, motivation. When you work for yourself, you call the shots. You’ll be more creative, determined and motivated as a result.
6. You will become more resilient
Working for yourself requires a lot of determination to push through the barriers and setbacks. However, over time you will learn and grow from those setbacks; you will learn what works and what doesn’t. You will become wiser and more resilient in both your business and personal life. Any successful entrepreneur will tell you that in facing failure, the path to success will grow clearer.
7. You will develop self-discipline
Entrepreneurship is a stressful venture — the flexibility of the working environment can be hazardous without enough self-discipline. With no set start time, you’re free to work in pajamas, but the absence of a routine can be detrimental; too much comfort may reduce productivity. Instead of becoming lazy, develop self-discipline by sitting down and drafting up a routine.
8. You can live a more meaningful life
Ultimately, work-life happiness comes from doing meaningful things. We all want to work for a worthy purpose or cause and know that our work is actually making a difference. Working for yourself will allow you to define what’s meaningful to you.
9. You will develop business sense
Most day jobs have set tasks, and often, it’s a matter of repeatedly doing the same thing. Not only is this boring, but it also fails to teach you anything new. Becoming an entrepreneur requires you to wear many hats — product development, marketing, sales, customer service, accounting, etc. Over time you will slowly develop a keen business sense, which will result in you becoming a more confident and successful entrepreneur.
10. You will leave a legacy behind
Working for yourself is an adventure. It will provide you with great stories to tell, wisdom to impart and a reason for people to remember and to respect you.
Other individuals affect us more than any other factor in the world. They are the most unpredictable, the most mysterious and the most exciting — at least, some are. There are other types of individuals, however. There are those who are more toxic than they are precious. If you want to live the best life possible, you should surround yourself with the best people possible.
More importantly, you will want to avoid all the toxic ones who will make you worse off for knowing them. Mentally strong people understand the importance and influence that human beings have on one another and use this knowledge to their advantage. The mentally strong aren’t flawless and aren’t impervious to all. With enough damage coming from enough sides, even the strongest will fall. The trick is to plan ahead and avoid those that make up the worst of the worst:
1. The Showoffs
Those who feel the need to be showy are always compensating for something and trying to prove their worth to themselves. Unfortunately for them, this is how you know they have little worth. Showing and trying to make other people envious is a waste of time, unless you’re trying to make yourself feel better about yourself at the expense of others. People that do such things are not the kind of people you want to keep around.
2. The Unintelligent
I’m not talking the kind of dumb that can’t be helped; I’m talking about the kind of dumb that is a result of an immense ego, voluntary ignorance and self-righteousness. Most of us know at least one or two people who are completely unintelligent as a result of continually making bad decisions and not learning from their mistakes for their entire lives.
3. The Leeches
Growing up, we’ve all had or been that friend who was always a bit broke and always happy to take a handout. When our friends are at a difficult point in their lives, there’s no reason not to help them out or to offer to pay for a few rounds of their drinks so they come out and have fun with the rest of the group. The problem is when the person seems comfortable in the position and is making little to no effort of improving their financial situation.
4. The Lazy
Laziness is a disease, one that is highly contagious. Lazy people make other people lazy. The more you hang around the immobile, the less you will feel the need to be mobile. The mentally strong are not impervious. Hang around lazy people too often and you’ll notice your productivity and general enjoyment of life plummeting.
5. Anyone Who Lives By The Saying, “YOLO”
Understanding that you only live once can put your life in perspective. In fact, it should put your life in perspective. Yet, the Biebers, Drakes and Mileys of the world somehow managed to get the message completely backwards. YOLO: Let’s get wasted and high, do stupid sh*t, throw up all over ourselves and possibly die while we’re at it! Yes, YOLO. The whole origin of this saying doesn’t suggest doing pointless, dumb crap. YOLO means you should spend your time doing something meaningful, with a purpose. YOLO: You have once chance; don’t screw it up.
6. The Big Talkers
Those that spend their time running their mouths spend little time doing anything else. It’s the mentally strong that don’t bother doing the talking because the work they are doing speaks for itself. The talkers, on the other hand, have nothing but the empty words they’re speaking.
7. The Constantly Depressed
Not those that have an actual chemical imbalance, but those who act like they do. We all know people who are always feeling bad for themselves, always complaining about how difficult their lives are and how unlucky they are. Bad luck is not a lifelong circumstance. If your life sucks, then guess what? It’s mostly, if not entirely, your fault. Don’t keep these folks around unless you want them to bring you down with them.
8. Those Who Stay Within Their Comfort Zones
If we wish to live a life of adventure, then those who aren’t adventurous need be avoided. All those you meet and come across in your life are partners on your journey, if only for a few seconds. Those we keep around more regularly end up steering our direction more than we realize. If you hope to leave your comfort zone regularly, then don’t hang out with those who aren’t willing to leave theirs. Their chain simply isn’t long enough to go for the ride.
9. The Non-Dreamers
Those who can’t dream don’t live. Life is about believing that things can be better — not just for you, but for everyone. What makes people human is dreaming and hoping that the change to come will be for the better. Those that don’t dream won’t allow you to dream, either, and will do their best to prove to you that your dreams are just that: dreams.
10. The Non-Believers
Worse than those who don’t dream are those who dream, but don’t believe that they can turn those dreams into reality. Those who don’t believe in themselves don’t amount to anything in life. They are the losers — those that are always there, but don’t influence the world. They live in a gloomy and depressing world where their lives are out of their hands. They go with the flow and never attempt to achieve any sort of success. Don’t rely on them to support you when you need the support, either. If they don’t believe in themselves, then they sure as hell won’t believe in you.
This video of a boy and what appears to be his mother getting run over by a car in Brazil may very well prove the existence of superhumans, like Bruce Willis in “Unbreakable.”
They don’t just get run over: the car bumps over the boy’s head and waist along with most of the mother’s lower body.
She remains on the ground until the video’s end, but the boy quickly gets right back up as if he just tripped and fell. The mother is alive, but seems to have sustained some sort of serious injury.
How this boy didn’t break anything or how he recovered so fast is unknown.
On January 18, during the early hours of Saturday morning, Kim Pham, a 23-year-old recent graduate and aspiring writer and talk show host, was brutally beaten outside of a nightclub in California. Following an attack by a group that allegedly consisted of three women and two men, Kim was declared brain dead. On Tuesday, she was removed from life support and was pronounced dead at 12:36 pm. The most recent reports claim that the initial argument may have been sparked due to a photobomb.
Kim was a valued contributor to Elite Daily and we are all shocked and deeply saddened to learn that she is no longer with us. Like any writer capable of providing a voice for their generation, Kim understood her peers, and she possessed the keen ability to eloquently pass along advice and inspiration that resonated with countless readers.
In her article “These Are The 7 Biggest Fears That You Need To Avoid Having In Your Twenties,” she explores the need for her fellow 20-somethings to abandon the small fears that they encounter on a daily basis, and to take each day as an opportunity to live and love fearlessly and with renewed passion. Kim explains that fear such as the “fear of missing out on a party” or the “fear of rejection” are empty fears that only stifle personal progress.
She writes,“…living in constant fear of leaving our comfort zones, to only chase swift relief without paying attention to possibilities for growth in other avenues is becoming a serious epidemic to the most able of us all.”
Kim understood her generation of fast-paced, social-media-hungry minds that are in a constant battle with how others perceive them and how to find the most meaningful sense of fulfillment in their everyday lives.
“Our generation is at odds with a war that is seemingly more powerful than us, she notes. “Not only are we prone to needing instant gratification, we are also stuck in a generation where we recognize the conflict of demand for immediate fulfillment as real.”
While we are lucky to at least be left with Kim’s inspirational words, the unspeakable tragedy that claimed her life leaves us evaluating another aspect of our generation entirely. Unnecessary violence takes the lives of many around the world, but we find ourselves in a time when atrocities that are being filmed, but not stopped are rising at an alarming rate.
This trend of diffusing responsibility and simply “not getting involved” is not new. Perhaps the most well known case of the psychological phenomenon known as the bystander effect is the murder of Kitty Genovese. In 1964, Kitty, a 28-year-old woman at the time, was stabbed by an attacker in front of her home in a residential Queens neighborhood. Her cry for help was heard by a number of residents, which forced the attacker to flee the scene. Though when nobody stepped forward to help Genovese, the attacker returned and raped her before killing her. A witness finally called the police after the final attack.
The bystander effect is an inherent trend among people, however, in recent years and with the aid of technology, an entirely new social phenomenon has been born. One that takes the bystander effect a step further. With desensitization that has become a natural byproduct of the Internet and the media, as well as the social media craze that has enticed a generation to capture everything they see, the notion to pull out a camera in the most inappropriate of times has become as monotonous and predictable as the workings of an assembly line.
In the case of Kim, she was knocked unconscious before her attackers continued to beat her. Not surprisingly, there is video footage of the event, with bystanders crowded around, cell phones in hand.
Bystanders are not just avoiding involvement as in the case of Kitty, they are, in fact, directly involving themselves in the incident, but not doing anything to stop it. Yes, film has helped authorities make arrests, but it doesn’t save lives.
It’s discouraging to think that we have become a culture that is more likely to record an incident, such as the beating of Kim Pham, rather than make any effort to prevent the worst possible outcome. But after all, we are a generation that chooses to stare emotionlessly through a screen. If the person next to you started dancing, you would probably instinctively reach for your phone.
If you turned around to notice a beautiful sunset, your hand would probably find it’s way to your pocket while you fumbled for the camera icon. And if a 23-year-old were being mercilessly beaten on the street, too many of us would once again reach for our phones, perhaps excited by the thought of uploading it online later on, or texting it to a friend.
As for Kim, she may have fallen victim to a major flaw of the same generation that she was so interested in helping, guiding and being a part of. It almost seems too coincidental that her last post for Elite Daily, previously unpublished, profiled Kelly Thomas, a homeless schizophrenic man living in California that was beaten to death by cops, sparking a national uproar.
Every now and then people come along that can help reshape a generation’s ills and change the way we look at both ourselves and society as a whole. The term martyr tends to feel outdated, but Kim has undoubtedly left us with her greatest piece of inspiration yet, and with her unfortunate passing it’s imperative that we reflect on what our actions really say when we don’t act at all.
You can support Kim’s family in their time of need by clicking here.
You can read her full previously unpublished article below:
Kelly Thomas, You Are Remembered. Was This Just?
The beating of Kelly Thomas, a homeless and schizophrenic man living on the streets of Fullerton, California, has led to a legal trial decision finding two Fullerton city police officers, Manuel Ramos and Jay Cicinelli, innocent of involuntary manslaughter and excessive force.
To back up, about a half an hour past eight o’clock on July 5, 2011, Kelly Thomas encountered police when there was a call from management at Slidebar, a small bar in Fullerton, requesting lookout because there had been vandalism nearby reported. Upon investigation, police approached an unarmed Kelly Thomas to search him. Though police had reported in statements that Thomas was defiant in search, which led to a call for further backup, video footage showed otherwise.
Surveillance cameras, as well as footage from camera phones nearby shows a surrendering Thomas, in all of his adrenaline and unkempt state, screaming words of submission to the officers’ testified commands for him to secure his hands behind his back as he responds, “I’m sorry! I’m trying!” Thomas was also calling for his father, “Dad! Dad!” Despite this, officers continued to find the use of a taser necessary, and furthermore, to beat mercilessly. Fullerton Transportation center’s pole camera, among other device cameras, yielded footage of a latex-gloved Officer Ramos heeding caution for Thomas, “Now, see my fists? They are getting ready to f*ck you up.”
The physical aftermath was minorly-injured officers and a brutally beat Kelly Thomas, who was found unconscious in a pool of blood. Yet, the testimony from an on-site paramedic reports that he was instructed to look into the minor police injuries first. Official coroner reports show multiple sites of fractured bones in Kelly’s face and a crushed thorax that limited his breathing; it was determined that the final cause of death was asphyxiation from his own blood. Post-incident reports from six officers on site who were called to deal with the submission of Thomas, stated that he was found suffering “severe” injuries to his face, neck and head.
Though police reported initially that they’d suffered broken bones as a result of Kelly Thomas’ absolute lack of cooperation, it was later found that Fullerton police department could not confirm the medical records for any broken bones suffered by their officers.
In light of all of this, I want to begin by saying I understand the nature of schizophrenia, having been a student of medical psychology. True, mental illness wards exhibit conditions of unpredictability.
My first reaction to this leads me to wonder if police officers are sufficiently trained to understand conditions of a schizophrenic person and how to deal with this properly. I’m inclined to believe not, as severe aggression, threats and savagely violent battery are completely uncalled for.
However, that question becomes quickly irrelevant as facts lead us to understand that it is understood: This was a case of police brutality.
In our humanistic logic, I ask that we see the harsh truth in this. While police are trained to physically overcome difficulty, Kelly Thomas was unarmed. Although his conditions of schizophrenia were discovered later, we ask ourselves: What warning signs of being armed could this man have shown as he was screaming words of submission?
As he was pumped up on adrenaline in state of panic, acting to save his own life over schemed retaliation as police attempted to pin him? What threat could this man have posed that justified beating him into a comatose state and ultimately leading him to his death a brief five days later?
Six police officers, who are trained and should be in rational states of mind when approaching a situation with only a single civilian who was simply being questioned without any evidence of vandalism, which the initial call was made for. Police are meant to protect our people and serve justice.
I ask, where is the justice and protection in this?
Our nation preaches a right to be. Regardless, Kelly Thomas had the right to live as he chose. Ultimately, as he did live wandering the streets as it seemed, facts show he also chose to live unarmed and submissive, words reaching out for his father escaping him as he was slowly beaten to death. We are no one to criticize the way a person chooses to deal with his reality, so long as he did not harm anyone or any institution — in which situational factors had showed he did none of the above.
Kelly Thomas, I hope you truly rest in peace and your family finds solace in all of this. Karma may not have a dollar sign attached to it, or a legal verdict to be typed officially under its title, but I believe, wholeheartedly, in its relativity to this reality. May you have found serenity in every single way possible, wherever you are now. We think of you.
RIP Kim Pham from the entire Elite Daily family. You will be missed.
Let me first preface this by saying that all things considered, men, you are doing great. In the age of blurred lines and a whole spectrum of relationships, ranging from respectful but casual hookups to lifetime partners-in-crime, it’s hard to decipher what’s “so-called” appropriate behavior when courting a woman. Even just the very idea of courting a woman seems antiquated.
So yes, when we think about all the nuances of getting to know someone else over a long period of time, you guys have clearly read up on your Men’s Health. But what you’re lacking is a little more Shakespeare.
Especially for the starry-eyed lovers of the world, we have accordingly calibrated our expectations of the men in our lives to match what a contemporary relationship calls for.
We’ve replaced hand-written love letters with inches of text on a mobile phone. We immediately take action to fix things instead of just taking the time to listen.
It’s romance 2.0. And while it’s special and sweet and still gets us excited when your name pops up on our messages, we get nostalgic for the old-school tender gestures. The kind that are distinctly charming not just because they are rare, but also because they are meaningful.
These are things that, despite being small or traditional, will always be significant and appreciated. In fact, we wish you guys did these things more (really, a lot of these are to your benefit as well as ours anyway!).
Keep up the good work, guys. And if you really want to seal the deal, pull one of these moves out of your boxer briefs. These are the 10 things that guys used to do and we wish they still did (or, at least, more often):
1. Hug us from behind
That initial surprise the moment we feel your arms touch that spot on our waist where our curves meet is always welcomed. It’s cheesy and we know it, but sometimes it’s nice to be enveloped in a man’s embrace. Wrapping us up against you is the body language equivalent of saying “I’ve got you” and it feels really, really good to hear.
2. Call before bed
Even if it’s just to make sure we’re not passing out in the hallway, a bedtime phone call is affectionate and thoughtful. You want us going to bed dreaming about you and not Lip from “Shameless”? You’ve got our numbers. #CallMe
3. Give us your worn-in sweatshirts
Or if you can’t part with those, vintage t-shirts will do just fine as well. When you’re not around to cuddle, we like snuggling with your clothes instead. And we’re not going to pretend like we don’t feel cute wearing your oversized garments. Bonus points if they still smell like you.
4. Have sex during the game
That’s why they invented halftime right? After watching the Giants take 20 minutes to get a first down, we’d appreciate at least some heavy petting – which we’d like to note doesn’t require any attention except from your hands. So you can do it while Russell Wilson completes his pass. Think of it as a play for play.
5. Pick us up
A spin really completes the move, just saying. Do you remember the last time someone lifted you up? I mean this literally. It doesn’t happen often, but when it does it’s a dramatic moment that reminds us of your strength and your ability to sweep us off our feet, quite exactly. There’s nothing wrong with wanting the prince charming – he still comes with a sword.
6. Keep your creepy porn fetishes a secret
We’re not saying we don’t condone indulging in whatever turns you on, but if you are getting off to anything we wouldn’t remotely try (like, I don’t know, say humping Ferris wheels or something) then it’s best to keep that information to yourself. We’re not judging, but telling us you liked watching “2 Girls 1 Cup” kind of stays with a person.
7. Wear suits… and then give us their jacket
Men in suits are the equivalent of women in oxford button downs. It’s just plain sexy. And when you give us your coat, it’s pretty much like foreplay.
8. Go for it – romantically or otherwise
We’re all for a woman making the move and feeling confident, but the high of being wanted by someone else is equally important. Don’t hold back anymore. If you’re feeling it in the moment, whether it’s confessing your attraction or pushing back a strand of our hair, just go for it. In such an impersonal world, we crave that flicker of human connection.
9. Notice the small things
Maybe it’s the placement of your favorite freckle or the arch of your back when you’re lying together. When someone takes the time to appreciate your little features, it means something much bigger.
10. Wear a signature scent
The power of olfaction is a real thing. We’re all animals on some level and it’s in our nature to sniff you out. And even if it’s only for a night, we’ll always have your smell to remember you by.
Kanto Freestyle Breakfast
