The Moral Conundrum: Is It Ever Okay To Date Your Friend’s Ex?

Post-college dating, especially in a city like New York, is challenging and frequently ego-depleting. Thanks to online dating websites and applications like Tinder and Hinge, it’s feasible to have seven (or more) dates per week.

Not only is it exhausting, repetitive and sometimes taxing, it can be frustrating. The more you date the more you begin to question whether you will ever find “the one.” That brings us to the question at hand: Is it acceptable to date the ex of a friend? Before viscerally responding “no” to breaking the guy/girl code, hear me out.

Let’s set the stage: Your friend was dating an amazing girl. During their relationship you found yourself developing feelings that went far beyond a physical attraction. You two just “clicked.” Fast-forward: Their relationship ended, she’s single, now what? Do you pursue her or do you decide it’s not worth the risk of losing your friend?

Some would argue that this decision comes down to whether you choose to listen to the devil on your right or the angel on your left. Others would say, “Absolutely not; the exes of friends are always off limits.” Still, others maintain that an ex is an ex, and once they’ve moved on, the subsequent choices he or she makes are no longer the interest of the former partner.

I prefer to redistribute some relationship responsibility to fate, and what is meant to be will be. I believe if two people are meant to end up together, they will ultimately find their way to or back to each other. However, as a relationship researcher, I recognize and sympathize that fate is not always in our favor. But let’s consider the statement: The heart knows what the heart wants. I ask the question again, can the code be broken?

Consider…

Real friends vs. “Facebook” friends

As we mature, friendships become more selective. In reality you are not “friends” with your thousands of Facebook friends. If this friend (who dated the person you want to pursue) is a “Facebook friend,” you can stop reading right now. There will be no love lost and I wish you luck in your pursuit. However, if this is a true friend, take a minute to consider the risk of losing him or her forever. Ask yourself if this friendship is strong enough to handle the repercussions? Losing a friend over a relationship, which may or may not work out, is indeed a gamble. Are you prepared for the potential consequences? If so, move ahead with caution.

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Previous relationship duration

Was the previous relationship one that ended at the altar or was it a fling? The shorter the relationship, the easier time you’ll have convincing yourself (and everyone else) to move forward in your pursuit. No harm no foul.

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Post breakup timeline

When did the split occur? A month, six months, a year, six years? Does it matter? Is there a point when an ex is no longer referred to as “the ex” and therefore deemed acceptable for anyone to date? As a general rule, I would say the longer you wait, the better. I also believe, however, that life throws us curve balls. Love has a funny way of coming at a time when you’re not looking and least expecting it.

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Reason for termination

A relationship with the ex of a friend is undoubtedly easier to justify if said friend ended the relationship. We often have a tendency to romanticize experiences. Ask yourself, did their relationship end because of the ex, and if so would he or she be any different in a relationship with you?

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Age

With an increased awareness of engagement and marriage announcements, because of social media, you cannot help but feel some pressure to find “the one.” Do not allow your notification globe to pressure you into taking a risk (because of your age) when you’re not fully committed. Age can be a double-edged sword in this situation.

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Why this ex?

We all know the old adage, “we want what we can’t have.” It is important to take the time to consider whether a relationship with this person has actual potential. In most cases, a one-night stand is not worth the long-term drama. Again ask yourself, why this ex? What makes this person so special? Is the pursuit of this relationship worth all the drama and negative consequences that could possibly ensue? Is there really something about this individual that you cannot imagine finding in anyone else?

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If you decide yes, the code can be broken…

Make sure you both agree what this relationship is, what it could be become and what you both want. If you are in agreement, it’s time to break the news to the friend  (your overlapping social network will also be grateful once this step is complete). It is far worse for the friend to learn about the relationship via another party or from social media. Discreteness can easily resemble secretiveness. It is important to be upfront with your friend, but be forewarned: Even though romantic feelings may no longer exist, your friend may still feel betrayed. I would expect the worst and hope for the best. I never said it would be easy, but it may be worth it in the long run.

In many ways, dating the ex of a friend is a “damned if you do damned if you don’t” situation. I know of many examples of people who have been in this exact situation. The results have varied from marriage to bonding over a mutual ex. Still, others have taken the risk and over time, the relationship did not work out, leaving them with both an ex-friend and an ex-partner.

You may or may not be asking yourself, what would I do? Consider the questions I posed above. Personally, I will always push for the possibility of true love and hope that fate intervenes. However, it comes down, ultimately, to who is more important to you long-term — the friend or the potential partner? The risk may be worth the reward, but make certain you are prepared for the potential loss(es). Did I mention that dating the ex of a friend is not a simple yes or no?

Photo credit: CW/Gossip Girl 

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How To Insult Your Judgmental Relatives During The Holidays (Without Them Realizing It)

It’s here! “The most wonderful time of the year.” Whoever coined that phrase was one hilarious, sarcastic, simplistic, yet creative genius – basically, a renaissance version of myself. I’d bet the house that he was a New Yorker. Or maybe it was a woman who coined the phrase, but who really cares? It’s not the point of the article and I’ve never been known for my outstanding ability to be politically correct. This is why the holidays are (not) my favorite part of the year.

I was born in New England, a fact I don’t admit much. Every Thanksgiving, I take the four-hour journey back to the suburbs just to have dinner with a very blasé group of non-New Yorkers. In other words, they don’t get me.

The only people angrier than me on Thanksgiving are New York City taxi drivers, and who can blame them? The Macy’s Day Parade makes your commute even more awesome. What genius came up with the idea to put a parade in the middle ofTimes Square, blocking off all transit in and out of the city? I would bet it was probably the guy who coined the phrase, “This is the MOST wonderful time of the year!”

I can see him, sitting at his desk, wondering, “How can I make this holiday seem even more like hell? I know! I’ll stage a parade every year, fill it with tourists and have every New Yorker navigate their way through happy people.” Perhaps this man saw the parade as a gift; an excuse handed to us on a platter as an explanation to why you were unfortunately unable to make it to Thanksgiving dinner. Well, it’s the best excuse ever. It’s on television, and I’m sure your entire family is watching it, so you’ve got your alibi.

However, if you’re like most people, you didn’t see that the parade was your “out.” So, due to your lack of pragmatism and observatory skills, you have arrived at your destination ready to eat. I’m not a food snob, but after a decade in the city, if I commute four hours, I would expect the food to be nothing less than “out-of-this-world, we-flew-in-Mario Batali” kind of amazing. Alas, it never is. The turkey is dry, your vegetables are vegetables, and the cranberry sauce came from a can. I navigated through a parade to be here; the least the host could do is have it catered.

Time to face it: you’re there. It’s official. If you are the only New Yorker at the table, you probably are the most interesting and most judgmental one in attendance, and this very second your relatives are likely reading an article on “how to deal with my from-the-city-I-think-I-am-too-fabulous family member.” Brace yourself for enthralling dinner conversation about babies, marriage, houses, kids, public health care, school systems and infrastructure.

If you are anything like me, you want to start throwing plates at people. Subtlety is clutch when answering the inevitable questions about why you aren’t married at 30. Calm down, ask for more wine, and remember the following responses to get you through:

So you dressed like a boss?

Then expect this stupid question: “Why are you so dressed up?!”

You should respond to this inquiry with the likes of, “You are hilarious! All of my dressy clothes are still at the dry cleaner from NYFW. It’s been months and holiday parties are coming up, so I need to pick those up! My neighborhood dry cleaner, by the way, LOVES me. He holds my clothes for me forever. He gets it – I’m all over the city, events, galas, openings, fundraisers…I mean does it ever stop?! My apologies, though! All of my nice clothes are stuck at the dry cleaners so I had to come casual today, not really my “thing.”

Now, flip the switch! Why not? They already think you are one sassy b*tch.

“Well don’t you look cute! Boot-cut jeans? Wow, vintage? I don’t believe it! Samantha, come here! Have you seen Melissa’s vintage? Wait, shut up; they’re not vintage? I haven’t seen these since high school! And that was over a decade ago! We’ve got this FABULOUS vintage shop by me that has high-rise vintage flares from the 70s. Those aren’t high-rise are they? Yeah, didn’t think so.”

Do NOT stop talking about yourself and your dry cleaner until your family member walks away.

Get your hair blown out and buy yourself a new Yurman piece; it’s Thanksgiving. You deserve a thank you gift.

Then expect this stupid question from everyone at the table that already knows the answer: “So? Tell us, who are youdating?”

Respond with something along the lines of, “I’m exploring my options. I’ve found a few worthy of my time, but why settle? Chrissy, your wedding was beautiful, by the way!”

Time for more wine? Ask for a glass of Montepulciano. They won’t have it, and you’ll look like a prick. Well done.

Then, expect this stupid question: “Where are you meeting people?”

Between us, let’s be honest: Tinder, J-Date, beer pong on the UES. Just keep the truth to yourself and politely answer, “Oh, you know, functions, galas, charity events, conferences. All I’m doing is meeting people! Summer was great, spent a lot of time out in the Hamptons.”

Details, details, details. Look at your cousin’s manicure and casually say, “Essie’s new winter collection, shearling darling, right?”

She will likely be very confused. Everyone at the table will most likely be very confused. Great! Proceed with your questions, then! Ask her for her thoughts on sable collar versus vested interest.

Talk about yourself, but vaguely, using one-word answers.

Then, expect this stupid question from your aunt or uncle: “When are you going to settle down, have a family and move to the suburbs?”

Respond with an alarming, “When I decide life is no longer worth living.”

At this point, NO ONE should want to talk to you, but unfortunately, these topics might still come up:

“My friend just had a baby!” says your overly excited cousin, Janice. To which you reply, “Oy vey! Can you imagine? Schlepping around a baby stroller? No thank you.”

“How much are you paying for rent?” asks your annoyingly curious brother-in-law, Zach. You
reply, “Relevance?” This will totally lead to awkward silence, which is awesome because you’re dominating right now.

“I just got engaged!” cousin Melissa exclaims, needing a Xanax. You rudely answer, “Oh! I didn’t even notice the ring! Come closer, so I can see. Mazel!! It’s beautiful.”

Congratulations. You will have survived Thanksgiving. Holiday season has just begun. Brace yourself.

Photo credit: The CW/Gossip Girl 

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AMERICAN SERIES 101

Ofcourse I love to watch series especially American series. Americans are wild but in a good way. Like they can wake your senses up even it's 3 a.m. in the morning. They're good in producing series because they can make the settings more realistic even we're talking about fantasies. Here are some nice series I recommend for you to watch.

Watch series online. Just Click here

1. GAME OF THRONES (currently airing)
Who would pass for Game of Thrones?

Game of Thrones is an American epic fantasy television drama series created for HBO by David Benioff and D. B. Weiss. It is an adaptation of A Song of Ice and Fire, George R. R. Martin's series of fantasy novels, the first of which is titled A Game of Thrones. Filmed in a Belfast studio and on location elsewhere in Northern Ireland, Malta, Croatia, Iceland, and Morocco, it premiered on HBO in the United States on April 17, 2011. The series has been renewed for a fourth season, to air in 2014.

The series, set on the fictional continents of Westeros and Essos at the end of a decade-long summer, interweaves several plot lines. The first follows the members of several noble houses in a civil war for the Iron Throne of the Seven Kingdoms; the second covers the rising threat of the impending winter and the mythical creatures of the North; the third chronicles the attempts of the exiled last scion of the realm's deposed dynasty to reclaim the throne. Through its morally ambiguous characters, the series explores the issues of social hierarchy, religion, loyalty, corruption, sexuality, civil war, crime, and punishment. It is the most recent big-budget work to have contributed to the popularity of the fantasy genre in mainstream media.

Game of Thrones has obtained an exceptionally broad and active international fan base. It received widespread acclaim by critics, although its use of nudity and violence has caused controversy. The series has won numerous awards and nominations, including a Primetime Emmy Award nomination for Outstanding Drama Series in all three seasons, aGolden Globe Award nomination for Best Television Series – Drama, a Hugo Award for Best Dramatic Presentation in Long Form, and a Peabody Award. Among the ensemble cast, Peter Dinklage won the Primetime Emmy Award for Outstanding Supporting Actor in a Drama Series and the Golden Globe Award for Best Supporting Actor – Series, Miniseries or Television Film for his role as Tyrion Lannister.

2. CHUCK (5 seasons)

Ready for some action?

Chuck is an American action-comedy/spy-drama television series created by Josh Schwartz and Chris Fedak. The series is about an "average computer-whiz-next-door" namedChuck, played by Zachary Levi, who receives an encoded e-mail from an old college friend now working for the Central Intelligence Agency (CIA); the message embeds the only remaining copy of a software program containing the United States' greatest spy secrets into Chuck's brain.

Produced by College Hill Pictures, Fake Empire Productions, Wonderland Sound and Vision, and Warner Bros. Television, the series premiered on September 24, 2007, onNBC, airing on Monday nights at 8/7c.

As the second season closed, flagging ratings put Chuck in danger of cancellation, but fans mounted a successful campaign to encourage NBC to renew the show. The campaign was unique in that fans specifically targeted a sponsor of the show, the Subway restaurant chain, and the chain struck a major sponsorship deal with NBC to help cover costs of the third season. The series' renewal was uncertain in each subsequent season. The fifth season was the last; it began on October 28, 2011, moving to Friday nights at 8pm/7 Central. The series concluded on January 27, 2012 with a two-hour finale.

3. PRISON BREAK (4 seasons)

He's out on the run.

Prison Break is an American television serial drama created by Paul Scheuring, that was broadcast on Fox for four seasons, from 2005 until 2009. The series revolves around two brothers; one has been sentenced to death for a crime he did not commit, and the other devises an elaborate plan to help his brother escape prison. The series was produced by Adelstein-Parouse Productions, in association with Original Television and 20th Century Fox Television. Along with creator Paul Scheuring, the series is executive produced by Matt Olmstead, Kevin Hooks, Marty Adelstein, Dawn Parouse, Neal H. Moritz, and Brett Ratner who directed the pilot episode. The series' theme music, composed by Ramin Djawadi, was nominated for a Primetime Emmy Award in 2006.

The series was originally turned down by Fox in 2003, which was concerned about the long-term prospects of such a series. Following the popularity of serialized prime time television series Lost and 24, Fox decided to back production in 2004. The first season received generally positive reviews, and performed well in the ratings. The first season was originally planned for a 13-episode run, but was extended to include an extra nine episodes due to its popularity. Prison Break was nominated for several industry awards, and won the 2006 People's Choice Award for Favorite New TV Drama and was nominated for the 2005 Golden Globe Award for Best Television Series Drama. In the United States, all four seasons have been released on DVD, while the first and third seasons and The Final Break have also been released on Blu-ray Disc. The series has been aired and all seasons have been released on Blu-ray internationally.

The success of the series has inspired short videos for mobile phones, several official tie-ins in print and on the Internet, as well as a video game. A spin-off series, Prison Break: Proof of Innocence, was produced exclusively for mobile phones. The series has spawned an official magazine and a tie-in novel. The fourth season of Prison Break returned from its mid-season break in a new timeslot on April 17, 2009 for the series' last six episodes. Two additional episodes, titled "The Old Ball and Chain" and "Free" were produced, and were later transformed into a standalone feature, titled The Final Break. The events of this feature take place before the last scene of the series finale, and are intended to wrap up unfinished plotlines. The feature was released on DVD and Blu-ray July 21, 2009.

4. AWKWARD (currently airing)

When everybody surrounds you full awkwardness.

Awkward is an American teen comedy series created by Lauren Iungerich for MTV. The show's central character is Jenna Hamilton (Ashley Rickards), a Palos Verdes, California, teenager who struggles with her identity, especially after an accident is misconstrued as a suicide attempt.

The series premiered on July 19, 2011. MTV renewed the series for a second season on August 24, 2011. The second season premiered on June 28, 2012 at 10:30pm. Awkward was officially renewed for a third season with an order of 20 episodes on July 25, 2012, which began airing on April 16, 2013 at 10:00pm. On June 26, 2013 it was announced that the show's creator Lauren Iungerich would be exiting the show after production of Season 3 concludes on June 27, 2013. The rest of the show's third season is set to air in the second half of October 2013.

Awkward's first season was generally well-received with television critics praising the show's realism and writing as well as its central character, and was included in various critics' top ten lists. The show also earned several award nominations, winning one Teen Choice Award and one People's Choice Award.

5. The Vampire Diaries (currently airing)

Can you switch off your emotions?

The Vampire Diaries is a supernatural drama television series developed by Kevin Williamson and Julie Plec, based on the book series of the same name written by L. J. Smith. The series premiered on The CW Television Network on September 10, 2009. The series takes place in Mystic Falls, Virginia, a fictional small town haunted by supernatural beings. The main focus of the series is the love triangle between the protagonist Elena Gilbert (Nina Dobrev) and vampire-brothers Stefan Salvatore (Paul Wesley) and Damon Salvatore (Ian Somerhalder). As the narrative develops in the course of the series, the focal point shifts on the mysterious past of the town involving Elena's malevolent doppelgänger Katerina Petrova and the family of Original Vampires, all of which have an evil agenda of their own.

The pilot episode attracted the largest audience of any series premiere since the network began in 2006. The first season averaged 3.60 million viewers. The show initially received average reviews, but critics agreed that the series improved over the course of the season with both the second and third season premiering to generally favorable reviews. The show has received numerous award nominations, winning two People's Choice Award and many Teen Choice Awards.

On February 11, 2013, The CW renewed the series for a fifth season.On April 26, 2013, The CW has officially announced that the spin-off The Originals has been ordered to series, set to premiere in the 2013–14 television season. The fifth season will premiere on October 3, 2013.

6. Gossip Girl (5 seasons)

I know you love me, xoxo

Gossip Girl is an American teen drama television series based on the book series of the same name written by Cecily von Ziegesar. The series, created by Josh Schwartz and Stephanie Savage, originally ran on The CW for six seasons from September 19, 2007 to December 17, 2012. Narrated by the omniscient blogger "Gossip Girl," voiced by Kristen Bell, the series revolves around the lives of privileged young adults on Manhattan's Upper East Side in New York City.

The series begins with the return of Upper East Side it girl Serena van der Woodsen (Blake Lively) from a mysterious stay at a boarding school in Cornwall, Connecticut. Blair Waldorf (Leighton Meester), whom creators describe as the queen at the center of their chess game, is a longtime friend and occasional rival of Serena's, and the queen beeof Constance Billard School's social scene. The story also follows Chuck Bass (Ed Westwick), the bad boy of the Upper East Side; "golden boy" Nate Archibald (Chace Crawford), Chuck's best friend and Blair's boyfriend for many years. However, their relationship had been rocky ever since Serena left for boarding school. Other characters of the turbulent Manhattan scene: Dan Humphrey (Penn Badgley), Dan's best friend Vanessa Abrams (Jessica Szohr), and Dan's sister, Jenny Humphrey (Taylor Momsen).

The success of Gossip Girl led to adaptations outside the United States. The show has received numerous award nominations, winning 18 Teen Choice Awards. The CW officially renewed Gossip Girl for a sixth and final season on May 11, 2012.The final season, consisting of 10 episodes, premiered on October 8, 2012, and ended on December 17, 2012.

7. How I Met Your Mother

Booty Calls or Booty Work?

How I Met Your Mother is an American sitcom that premiered on CBS on September 19, 2005. The 2013–14 season will be the show's ninth and final season.The series follows the main character, Ted Mosby, and his group of friends in Manhattan. As a framing device, Ted, in the year 2030, recounts to his son and daughter the events that led to his meeting their mother.

The show was created by Craig Thomas and Carter Bays, who also serve as the show's executive producers and frequent writers. The series was loosely inspired by their friendship when they both lived in New York City.There have currently only been four directors between the show's 180 episodes: Pamela Fryman (168 episodes), Rob Greenberg (7 episodes), Michael Shea (4 episodes) and Neil Patrick Harris (1 episode).

Known for its unique structure and eccentric humor, How I Met Your Mother has been a critical success, having received positive reviews throughout most of its run and gaining a cult following over the years. The show has been nominated for 24 Emmy Awards, winning seven. In 2010, Alyson Hannigan won the People's Choice Award for Favorite TV Comedy Actress. In 2012, seven years after its premiere, the series won the People's Choice Award for Favorite Network TV Comedy, and Neil Patrick Harris won the award for Favorite TV Comedy Actor.

8. New Girl

New Girl is an American television sitcom that premiered on Fox on September 20, 2011. It stars Zooey Deschanel, Jake Johnson, Max Greenfield, Lamorne Morris, andHannah Simone. On September 28, 2011, after airing the first two episodes, Fox ordered 11 additional episodes to the initial 13-episode order, bringing the first season to 24 episodes.

New Girl has received some favorable responses from critics since its conception, many giving particular praise for Deschanel's performance. On December 15, 2011, the show was nominated for the Golden Globe Award for Best Television Series – Musical or Comedy and Deschanel was nominated for the Golden Globe Award for Best Actress – Television Series Musical or Comedy. The series received five 2012 Primetime Emmy Award nominations, including "Outstanding Lead Actress in a Comedy Series" for Deschanel, "Outstanding Supporting Actor in a Comedy Series" for Greenfield, "Outstanding Directing for a Comedy Series", "Outstanding Casting for a Comedy Series" and "Outstanding Main Title Design". New Girl was longlisted at the 18th National Television Awards in the sitcom category, ultimately losing to Mrs Brown's Boys.

New Girl was officially renewed for a second season by Fox on April 9, 2012.It premiered on September 25, 2012.Fox ordered two new episodes of New Girl bringing the second season to 25 episodes.

On March 4, 2013, the series was renewed for a third season, which will premiere on September 17, 2013.

9. Lie to me

Lie to Me (stylized as Lie to me*) is an American crime drama television series. It originally ran on the Fox network from January 21, 2009 to January 31, 2011. In the show, Dr. Cal Lightman (Tim Roth) and his colleagues in The Lightman Group accept assignments from third parties (commonly local and federal law enforcement), and assist in investigations, reaching the truth through applied psychology: interpreting microexpressions, through the Facial Action Coding System, and body language.

In May 2009, the show was renewed for a second season consisting of 13 episodes; Season two premiered on September 28, 2009. On November 24, 2009, Fox ordered an extra nine episodes for season two, bringing the season order to 22 episodes.

On May 12, 2010, Entertainment Weekly reported that Lie to Me received a 13-episode third season pick-up. The third season of Lie to Me was originally to premiere on November 10, 2010. On September 28, 2010, the premiere date was moved to October 4, 2010, because of the cancellation of Lone Star. Lie to Me was officially canceled by Fox on May 11, 2011.

The show is inspired by the work of Paul Ekman, the world's foremost expert on facial expressions and a professor emeritus of psychology at the University of California San Francisco School of Medicine. Dr. Ekman has served as an advisor to police departments and anti-terrorism groups (including the Transportation Security Administration) and acted as a scientific consultant in the production of the series. He is also the author of 15 books, including "Telling Lies" and "Emotions Revealed". 

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