Neighbors Have Legendary Email Argument Over Floodlight

Ah, neighbors: can’t live with them, can’t live without them. Well, you could live without them, but then you’d have to own the entire block or live in the middle of nowhere where your only friends are farm animals. Without neighbors, how else would you get milk when you ran out??

Anywho, we’ve shown you hilarious notes left from neighbors before, complaining about loud music, stolen doorknobs and laundry room thieves, but never before have we shown such a hilarious back and forth exchange. One Australian man is upset with his neighbor’s floodlight shining into his bedroom, and he’s not gonna let him hear the end of it.

What starts out as a simple note turns into an epic email exchange almost too funny to be true:

Did Justin just mistake Austria for Australia? Classic mixup…

Moral of the story, don’t piss of your AUSTRALIAN neighbor!

H/T: The Meta Picture

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Man Writes Lengthy Complaint To Airline About Having To Sit Next To What He Thought Was An ‘Infant Hippopotamus’

An airline passenger’s letter to the Australian airline that forced him to sit next to a man as fat as “an infant hippopotamus” who smelled like “blue cheese” and a “Mumbai slum” has gone viral due to its hilarious comparisons and eloquent fury.

According to Huffington Post UK, Rich Wisken wrote on a blog that he paid an extra $23 for an aisle seat on his flight from Perth to Sydney so he could have more room on his four-hour flight.

Instead, however, he found himself seated next to a morbidly obese man, pinning him to his seat like “a fleshy boulder.”

He tried to change seats but every empty space was taken up by passengers stretching themselves out for comfort.

The full letter can be found below.

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Dear Jetstar,

Do you like riddles? I do, that’s why I’m starting this letter with one. What weighs more than a Suzuki Swift, less than a Hummer and smells like the decaying anus of a deceased homeless man? No idea? How about, what measures food portions in kilograms and has the personal hygiene of a French prostitute? Still nothing? Right, one more try. What’s fat as fuck, stinks like shit and should be forced to purchase two seats on a Jetstar flight? That’s right, it’s the man I sat next to under on my flight from Perth to Sydney yesterday.

As I boarded the plane, I mentally high-fived myself for paying the additional $25 for an emergency seat. I was imagining all that extra room, when I was suddenly distracted by what appeared to be an infant hippopotamus located halfway down the aisle. As I got closer, I was relieved to see that it wasn’t a dangerous semi-aquatic African mammal, but a morbidly obese human being. However, this relief was short-lived when I realised that my seat was located somewhere underneath him.

Soon after I managed to burrow into my seat, I caught what was to be the first of numerous fetid whiffs of body odour. His scent possessed hints of blue cheese and Mumbai slum, with nuances of sweaty flesh and human faeces sprayed with cologne - Eau No. Considering I was visibly under duress, I found it strange that none of the cabin crew offered me another seat. To be fair, it’s entirely possible that none of them actually saw me. Perhaps this photo will jog their memories.

Pinned to my seat by a fleshy boulder, I started preparing for a 127 Hours-like escape. Thankfully though, the beast moved slightly to his left, which allowed me to stand up, walk to the back of the plane and politely ask the cabin crew to be seated elsewhere. I didn’t catch the names of the three flight attendants, but for the purpose of this letter, I’ll call them: Chatty 1, Chatty 2 and Giggly (I’ve given them all the same surname - Couldnotgiveashit). After my request, Chatty 1 and Chatty 2 continued their conversation, presumably about how shit they are at their jobs, and Giggly, well, she just giggled. I then asked if I could sit in one of the six vacant seats at the back of the aircraft, to whichGiggly responded, “hehehe, they’re for crew only, hehehe“. I think Giggly may be suffering from some form of mental impairment.

“It was then I realised that my fate was sealed,” Wisken wrote to Jetstar airlines.“I made my way back to Jabba the Hutt (the blob creature in Star Wars) and spent the remainder of the flight smothered in side-boob and cellulite, taking shallow breaths to avoid noxious gas poisoning.”

And if he wasn’t angry enough, Wisken found out two days later that a flight to Melbourne he booked with the same airline had been canceled.

The re-scheduled flight was canceled as well and the one after that was delayed for two hours.

After receiving the letter, Huffington Post UK reports, Jetstar emailed Wisken with an $87 voucher to compensate for the string of inconveniences.

“Awesome work, Jetstar!” he wrote in response.

“Two of my flights in the past two days have been cancelled. You’re so lucky that my favorite pastime is wasting both time and money getting to and from airports.Imagine how annoyed someone who doesn’t LOVE wasting time and money would feel about this situation. Man, I’d hate to be that guy…”

I tried to relocate myself without the assistance of the Couldnotgiveashit triplets, but unfortunately everyone with a row to themselves was now lying down. It was then I realised that my fate was sealed. I made my way back to Jabba the Hutt and spent the remainder of the flight smothered in side-boob and cellulite, taking shallow breaths to avoid noxious gas poisoning. Just before landing, I revisited the back of the plane to use the toilet. You could imagine my surprise when I saw both “crew only” rows occupied by non-crew members. I can only assume Giggly let them sit there after she forgot who she was and why she’s flying on a big, shiny metal thing in the sky.

Imagine going out for dinner and a movie, only to have your night ruined by a fat mess who eats half your meal then blocks 50% of the screen. Isn’t that exactly the same as having someone who can’t control their calorie intake occupying half your seat on a flight? Of course it is, so that’s why I’m demanding a full refund of my ticket, including the $25 for an emergency row seat.

I’m also looking to be compensated for the physical pain and mental suffering caused by being enveloped in human blubber for four hours. My lower back is in agony and I had to type this letter one-handed as I’m yet to regain full use of my left side. If I don’t recover completely, I’ll have to say goodbye to my lifelong dream of becoming Air Guitar World Champion. If that occurs, you will pay.

To discuss my generous compensation package, email me at: richwisken@hotmail.com, or tweet me at: @RichWisken

No regards, Rich Wisken.

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Via: Huffington Post UK, Top Photo Courtesy: Tumblr

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The Top 25 Places People Checked In On Facebook In 2013 Shows The Most Popular Destination In The World

Going on vacation seems to be less and less about having a good time and more for checking in somewhere on social media to improve clout to those who follow our lives online.

To prove this, Facebook has listed the 25 most checked-in places on the massive social network, from Disneyland in Anaheim, California, to the Victoria and Alfred Waterfront in Cape Town, South Africa.

From sporting arenas to popular city squares, the list shows some of the most famous places all over the world.

Of the top 25 places, the common theme seems to be Disney, as four Disney theme parks made the list, from California,Paris, Tokyo and Hong Kong, proving people want to see Mickey Mouse and friends all over the globe.

One thing that stands out about the list is there isn’t a check-in from New York City on the list, and this may be due to the fact that there isn’t one central location in which people would check in.

Here are the top 25 places people checked in during 2013, according to Facebook:

Argentina: Puerto Madero, Buenos Aires

Australia: Melbourne Cricket Ground (MCG), East Melbourne, Victoria

Brazil: Parque Ibirapuera, São Paulo

Canada: Rogers Arena, Vancouver, British Columbia

Egypt: Sharm el-Sheikh, South Sinai Governorate

France: Disneyland Paris, Marne La Vallée

Germany: Reeperbahn, Hamburg

Hong Kong: Hong Kong Disneyland

Iceland: Blue Lagoon, Reykjavík

India: Harmandir Sahib (The Golden Temple)

Italy: Piazza San Marco, Venice

Japan: Disneyland, Tokyo

Mexico: Auditorio Nacional, Mexico City

Nigeria: Ikeja City Mall, Ikeja, Lagos

Poland: Temat Rzeka, Warsaw

Russia: Gorky Park of Culture and Leisure

Singapore: Marina Bay Sands

South Africa: Victoria & Alfred Waterfront

South Korea: Myungdong Street, Seoul

Spain: Las Ramblas, Barcelona, Catalonia

Sweden: Friends Arena, Solna

Taiwan: Tainan Flower Night Market, Tainan City

Turkey: Taksim Square, Istanbul

United Kingdom: The 02, London

United States: Disneyland, Anaheim, California

Via: CNN, Top Photo Credit: Shutterstock

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When Kids In Third World Countries Read First World Problems, They Suddenly Don’t Feel Like Problems

Ah, First World Problems. If you live in a western country, for one reason or another, you’re probably guilty of uttering one of these phrases.

Sure, minor inconveniences can really make a day unpleasant, but when put into perspective, having cold leather seats when you get into your car during the winter isn’t the end of the world.

Not having clean water, however, is an entirely different story. In order to highlight what “problems” actually are, Water Is Life launched the “First World Problems Anthem” video last year.

The video consists of people in the Third World reading tweets that were labeled with the hashtag #FirstWorldProblems. The stark contrast is sure to make the line at Starbucks seem like much less of a big deal.

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This Australian Condom Ad Might Be The Best Marketing You Will See This Year (Video)

For most advertisements, there are usually certain standards to which companies must adhere. In my travels across the vast expanses of the interwebs, I’ve found that condom companies, on the other hand, operate along some rather blurred lines.

Naked, a condom manufacturer proves this very point with their video ad depicting a couple visibly having sex in a pharmaceutical store while trying on different types of condoms.

Imagine everything that involves going to a shoe store for a new pair, and simply replace the shoes with condoms. Too late, Naked already beat you to it…

H/t Brobible, Photo via Youtube

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Prince Harry Hits Australia for International Fleet Review

SAEED KHAN/AFP/Getty Images

Prince Harry's first official visit to Australia was a success.

The red-headed royal stopped by the International Fleet Review in Sydney Saturday, getting a warm welcome from a big crowd (and a 100-gun salute), according to Yahoo! Australia.

Prince Harry, who was on hand to represent the royal family, donned his white British Army uniform and blue beret for the event, which was held to celebrate the 100 years since the Royal Australian Navy fleet first entered the Sydney Harbor.

Don Arnold/WireImage

Following the salute, the prince hopped on a boat to Kirrbilli House, where Prime Minister Tony Abbott, his wife Margie and daughters Bridget and Frances greeted him.

The Australia visit is just the latest of Prince Harry's royal duties.

Kensington Palace announced Friday the 29-year-old royal will visit and officially open the Royal British Legion Centre for Blast Injury Studies at Imperial College London Oct. 17.

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