Although most people might not agree, relationships aren’t as difficult as they seem. I’m sure there are many happy couples out there that can support that statement all the way.
In my opinion, if you’re a woman, there are only a few basic principles that you need to lay down in order to be able to have the relationship you’ve always wanted.
It doesn’t matter if you’re single, or if you’re involved, if you follow the next four steps, you’ll know what it takes to have that great relationship you’ve always strived for.
Step 1: Never Try To Be With Someone Who Doesn’t Actually Want To Be With You
Although this may seem obvious to many of you, it’s actually a lot harder to pull off once you’re knee deep in a “potential” relationship. Because a woman’s emotional brain is the size of a mountain, it’s easy for her to be deluded and find nonexistent signs that prove a guy actually feels the same way she does.
The unfortunate truth is that if a guy gives you signs, indicates, or tells you that he wants to be with you, but isn’t actually with you whatever reason (too stressed at work, personal problems, can’t deal with labels, etc.), then it’s quite evident he doesn’t actually want to be with you. If that’s the case, stop fooling yourself and get rid of him.
There’s no point in wasting your time. Believe me when I say, if a man wants to be with you, he will do anything and everything in his power to achieve that. Never try to reason with his excuses; you’ll just end up hurting in the end.
Most of the time, excuses are just a way for people to express what they actually don’t want in a more cowardly way. Sure, there are exceptions, but those are usually very rare, especially when it comes to being with someone. The fact of the matter is that even if a guy is unable to commit right now, for “whatever” reason, he’ll still make sure to put in substantial effort to let you know that indeed, he will eventually be able to take that step.
If a guy isn’t putting in the necessary effort, it’s quite evident that he doesn’t want you. It isn’t easy, but once you make this realization, you need to STOP WASTING YOUR TIME and get on with your life. The quicker you move on, the closer you are to finding that right guy.
Step 2: Only Stay In A Relationship If You Like Who You Are In That Relationship
This is very important, but it’s also a bit more difficult to explain. Basically, being in a relationship isn’t the end goal you should strive for. That goal is to be in the ideal relationship.
The whole point of a relationship is to make life easier and better for both parties involved. I like to view it as a team — a team for life, if you will. Life as a single person should be, at least in theory, harder than life as a couple; otherwise, there would be no point to having relationships.
With that being said, the whole point of being with someone is to be able to bring out the best in one another. You should challenge each other to grow and eventually become better versions of yourselves.
With that in mind, think about relationships that make you feel anxious, jealous, or constantly on the edge. For example, if you’re suspecting your partner to be cheating, you’re constantly jealous, anxious and on the edge, is that the way you want to feel in a long-term relationship? Do you like yourself as this person and how these emotions make you act? Of course not!
Feeling miserable or trapped by a relationship is NOT the way to live your life. Even when being subjected to these terrible feelings, most women in such relationships seem unable to get out because they are so consumed by the feelings they have for the other person.
Most women get so consumed with their own feelings about that other person they actually forget to ask the most obvious and most important question: Do I like myself when I’m with this person?
This is a miserable existence that can have long-term emotional effects, even after the relationship comes to its inevitable end.
You need to realize that at the end of the day, you are all that you have. You need to put yourself and your needs FIRST. You need to look for what makes YOU happy because that’s the point of it all — is it not? If a relationship isn’t actually making you happy, isn’t actually making you a better person, stop wasting your time on trying to make it work and focus your energy on leaving this misery in order to find something that will be worlds better.
Step 3: Stop Using The Word “Should”
“Should” might also be described as the relationship destroyer. If it doesn’t destroy relationships, it will at least create enough resentment to last you an entire lifetime.
When a woman tells a man what he “should” do, she actually tells him exactly what he isn’t doing enough.
If a man wants to be in a relationship, he will want and often try to do as much as he can to make you happy. Making you happy helps him feel like a winner, but when you “should” him, you’re basically telling him that he’s a loser who can’t make you happy.
I know many of you believe that using this word is the way to make a guy work harder for something, but in fact, it will not encourage him to do anything. When you tell someone what he should or shouldn’t do, it’s as if you’re punishing him. Using this word creates nothing but resentment from the other person. Think about the last time someone told you what you “should” do…
The key here is to focus on what you partner is doing right and work on rewarding him for that instead of telling him what he should do. The more you reward him for the good things he does, the more he’ll feel like a winner. If he feels like a winner, he’ll feel more motivated to work harder in order to bring you even more happiness.
When you and your partner are not adversaries, but rather, working as a “team,” your relationship will feel much more relaxed and the efforts you put towards making the other person happy will in fact be effortless.
Step 4: Make Him Work For You, Forever!
Not following this step is probably one of the biggest mistakes women make in relationships. Unfortunately, I get a lot of emails from my female readers asking me what can they do in order to be better for the guy they’re dating. This is completely the wrong way to approach things.
What you should be doing is asking yourself if he’s actually quality enough for you. You should automatically assume that you’re high quality and implicitly let him work for you in order to have such a quality woman. Not following this rule means putting the guy in total control over the relationship and over you. Plus, working hard to be at “his feet” also screams neediness, which is a major turn off for most decent men.
Making him work for you doesn’t mean that you have to turn into a b*tch. It does, however, imply adjusting your mindset enough for it to radiate from within so that the guy can sense it.
Men want to be a with a quality woman, who they have to work for and earn. There’s nothing appealing about a woman who will do everything and will settle with anything just because she wants to be in a relationship.
This concept is about achieving confidence, and a confident woman is a woman that won’t settle for scraps — a woman that needs a bit of work to win over, a quality woman. Just remember, don’t confuse being confident and sure of yourself with being a b*tch who refuses to do anything in a relationship. Also, if you don’t feel particularly confident, you should at least make an effort to fake it. If you fake it long enough, you’ll eventually forget about faking it and actually become confident.
This is the sort of stuff I discuss on my blog and in the free eBook I give out. If you want to increase your love life’s success, visit TheSingleWomanGuide.com – a place where the conventional “dating mindset” is thrown out the window in favor of more direct and fruitful methods of meeting, attracting and keeping a quality man in your life.
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