You have straight, bright white teeth. You have a rockin’ bod that would look fantastic in a potato sack if you chose to wear one. You have an eclectic group of friends. You’re the life of the party in social situations and most likely, guys flock to you naturally because you give off good vibes.
Well, that’s a hypothetical scenario, but we can all relate to it in some way because we’re young, confident and learning to love every inch of ourselves. We all put out signals to attract a mate (or multiple — no judgment), and with the previously mentioned set up, it would probably be really easy to land a man.
But if you suffer from the fateful flaw, it doesn’t matter how good you look, how big you smile or how many shots you can take pregaming in your friend’s apartment. Although I have many flaws and do not fit the scenario provided above (I actually believe I peaked in high school and tend to be somewhat of a social introvert), I suffer from the fateful flaw. And dammit, this flaw is a motherf*cker.
What is it, you ask? Well, I am attracted to unavailable men. When I say unavailable, I mean unavailable on virtually any platform you can imagine. Quite frankly, it’s exhausting. I find there are rarely any warning signs. I’ve already become smitten with the idea of someone before I find out just how unavailable he is.
Now, guys approach me. I assume it’s because they’re available. But insert womanly paradox – here – and I’m usually not interested. It’s like how we’re always chasing after the bad boys when chances are there’s a really nice guy waiting in the wings for the right moment to approach.
But through my trials and tribulations, and persistent sense of humor to trudge through these trials and tribulations, I’ve named each man who falls under a different degree of unavailable. I’ve generally dubbed three men, but am open to the fact that there are possibly more I just haven’t met yet.
1. The Ghost
He’s physically unavailable. This is someone you’ve made some kind of connection with upon meeting. You exchange numbers and maybe even follow each other on social media so it feels like it could be pretty serious. Yet, he makes no effort to hang out, go out or create a scenario that resembles a date in any way. He’s just so busy in his personal and professional life, but has all the time in the world to text you. No f*cks are given in progressing with some kind of physical connection on his end.
Basically, he’s the 2013 edition of a pen pal, but you’re not mailing each other letters. There’s barely any mystery. You have a window into his life because he’s socially connected and maybe he texts you frequently, but you made the mistake of looking through that window and are lusting after something that you can’t have.
2. The Half-Asser
Sure, you can utilize all five of your senses to experience him because he’s physically there, but emotionally, he’s void. For some psychological reason unknown to me, this makes girls work harder at making him care. Life is too short but being young is even shorter, so to spend it trying to force someone to give a sh*t about you seems pretty ridiculous.
You two might have fun together and look really great on paper, but it doesn’t mean he’s going to feel anything for you. Maybe he’s focused on himself, just going with the flow, or hasn’t grown balls big enough to let you know he’s just not about that life right now.
I happen to feel that The Half-Asser does more damage being present than The Ghost does being absent.
3. The Astronaut
He just sucks. He can be attractive and funny, but he’s out in space. Mentally, he’s not examining his potential relationship with you. He’s mentally checked out; we just don’t know where. He might not be willing to debate for the sake of learning things, like learning things about you.
All of his mental abilities could be going towards something (or someone) else. Maybe he has his priorities straight and unfortunately one of them is not dating you, or maybe he’s a poor multi-tasker and can only handle caring about one thing at a time.
Now there are variations to these three men because they can all intertwine with one another. A guy can be emotionally unavailable, but physically available. The physically unavailable can be emotionally available, hence the lust for something you can’t have. Then again, sometimes he just falls into one category.
We sometimes are just as unavailable, and in that case, it works to find someone just as unavailable. No one gets hurt, and there’s barely any drama. But if you’re thinking it’s time for a boyfriend or something along those lines, the best advice I can offer you is to be aware of any warning signs of unavailability. If you see a sign, run. Other than that, try your best not to suffer from falling for the unavailable guys.
Just remain optimistic, cautiously optimistic
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